"I Once Was Lost..."

I was at Pepperdine on Thursday night of last week (5-7), had just gotten my hamburger and was more than ready to sit down and dig in when I noticed a policeman standing and talking with two women and a man while writing something in his little book. The Pepperdine campus, during lectureship week was one of the last places I expected to see a policeman taking a report. Having seen way too many mystery movies, Murder She Wrote's, Perry Mason and Matlock shows and not to mention being a fanatical Quincy fan, my interest quickly changed from the hamburger on my plate to the reason for the policeman's report.

"Forgotten" ketchup became the excuse for my to slowly walk by the group and hear whatever I could (me, eavesdropping? No way!). On the way to the ketchup I heard "Well, he walks really fast, so if you see him, you need to move quickly." On the way back from the ketchup I heard "He said he was only going to get his checkbook!" The first thing that jumped into my mind was that a fast walking liar of a thief had stolen someone's valuable something. But, the women who were talking with the policeman didn't seem to be distressed enough to have just had possibly their purse taken from them. My Mom quickly caught wind of the situation as well, and we both kept our eyes and ears wide open for any clues. The womens' demeanor quickly changed from forced smiles to no smiles to tears. At that point, my Mom went over to one of the men (he wasn't crying : ) and asked what was going on.

When she came back, my Mom was also in tears. She said the older woman's husband had gone up to the dorms to get his wallet several hours ago and hadn't returned since. She also said her main concern was that he had the early stages of Alzheimer's and might possibly be lost somewhere on campus. At the mention that he had Alzheimer's, my Mom nearly broke down. My Grandfather (her Dad) has that same disease. Thankfully we haven't had to deal with him wandering away or getting lost yet, but no doubt the day will come when we will need to keep a very close watch on him.

Alzheimer's is such a strange, debilitating, frustrating disease of the mind. It steals people's minds slowly but surely. When someone has a disease like that which you know can only get worse with time, and especially when the victim is a relative, you know you should be spending as much time as possible with that person. Their time is ticking down, their clock is winding down, and you know you won't have much more time with them. But also, just the sheer frustrating side-effects of the disease can be enough to drive you away from the person. The constant forgetfulness. Asking the same question over and over and over incessantly.

But seeing and feeling the fear and near grief of the family who hadn't seen their Dad/husband in hours and knowing the potential that he could be lost for a long time, he could be hurt or very disoriented, kind-of shook all the frustration out of me. It made me realize that people with those kinds of mental diseases, and really any disease, still have so much to offer if we'll just stop, listen and accept what they have left.

A few months ago, my sister and I were outside in the backyard, playing with a rope, trying to lasso some things although we had no idea what we were doing. My Grandpa came outside and just lit up, because lassoing is something he knows how to do perfectly. He grew up on a farm in the middle of Mexico, so being around animals, controlling them and taking care of them is second nature to him. He immediately took the rope and showed us how to tie it properly, hold in our hands and throw it with confidence and good aim. Even though he showed us the same thing about 10 times before we went inside, that instance reminded me that he still has a wealth of knowledge in gardening, cooking, Mexican jokes, funny stories and even lassoing to show us if we'll let him.

After about 15 minutes of praying and keeping our eyes open for the lost man who walks fast, we finally heard a hoop and holler and found the man back with his group. What a great sight it was. He wasn't sure what all the fuss was about, or why everyone was hugging him and crying over him, but he had a big grin on his face and so did everyone else. Immediately these words starting circling in my head:

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was LOST, but now I'M FOUND
was blind, but now I see..."

"If You Want Me To"

"The pathway is broken, and the times are unclear.

And I don't know the reason, why you brought me here.

But just because you love me, the way that you do,

I'm gonna walk through the valley, if you want me to.



'Cause I'm not who I was, when I took my first step.

And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet

and if all of these trials bring me closer to you,

then I will go through the fire, if you want me to.



It may not be the way I would have chosen,

when you lead me through a world that's not my own.

But you never said it would be easy,

You only said I'd never go alone.



So when the whole world turns against me,

and I'm all by myself,

and I can't hear you answer my cries for help.

I'll remember that suffering your love put you through,

and I will walk through the valley, if you want me to."
-Ginny Owens


I don't know about you, but the message in that song is really hard to live out. A few years ago, I heard someone say that sometimes that hardest thing to do in a difficult situation is to just go through it. Instead of bailing, and running away as fast as you can, to go through it until it's done, and learn what God wants you to learn. I think that in good situations and in bad ones, God allows us to go through the valley because He knows that if we cling to Him, and we don't stray, we'll come out of it stronger than if we had stayed on the mountain top.

Sometimes that is just so hard to do isn't it? When we are in a nasty situation that we are having such difficulty with, it's so hard to just sit and be still and ask "what is it You want me to learn in this?". Our gut reaction is to say "God get me out of here fast!! I'm miserable!" I figure, if I'm going to be going through this, I might as well learn something from it. It's a learning process to change my thought pattern from "rescue me!" to "If you want me to."